with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Bring me that man meat
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
