So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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