y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
