Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
