This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
