just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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