I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want a musical about memes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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