I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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