I feel great
I just peed on a car
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
