If that was your dad, he is hot
I am in a vortex of obligation.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
