if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
