I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
