If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
