So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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