i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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