I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
