Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
