with your own penis?
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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