dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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