my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
