bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There's always time for handjobs
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
