the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.