Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Together?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Preferably.

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  (847): So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch. (541): Together? (847): Preferably. http://tfl.nu/lik5
  Replies (21) Good night (3401) Bad night (625)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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  (612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school. http://tfl.nu/cnqq
  Replies (88) Good night (1055) Bad night (11232)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...

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  (313): How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka... http://tfl.nu/gnte
  Replies (29) Good night (7119) Bad night (2744)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.

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  (336): I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver. http://tfl.nu/y72r
  Replies (9) Good night (4091) Bad night (983)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.

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  (253): I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore. http://tfl.nu/1haa
  Replies (15) Good night (1558) Bad night (3734)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome

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  (419): apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome http://tfl.nu/v148
  Replies (15) Good night (3958) Bad night (1720)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.

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  (414): can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved. http://tfl.nu/t1em
  Replies (13) Good night (2310) Bad night (3864)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off

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  (407): Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off http://tfl.nu/jc13
  Replies (13) Good night (951) Bad night (3873)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.

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  (919): He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great. http://tfl.nu/il4g
  Replies (4) Good night (2513) Bad night (1058)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers

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  (931): I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers http://tfl.nu/gzzm
  Replies (8) Good night (2737) Bad night (1129)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?

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  (902): Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having? http://tfl.nu/d7ao
  Replies (36) Good night (645) Bad night (6591)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.

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  (914): She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head. http://tfl.nu/hrvg
  Replies (5) Good night (1606) Bad night (545)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off

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  (480): unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off http://tfl.nu/u622
  Replies (0) Good night (284) Bad night (478)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.

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  (813): I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes. http://tfl.nu/ikkg
  Replies (1) Good night (653) Bad night (260)
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  (707): View more from California

  he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities

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  (707): he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities http://tfl.nu/qdhe
  Replies (3) Good night (357) Bad night (823)

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