now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
