cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital