So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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