My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
