I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
