This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
