I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
