i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
