Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
