I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
