I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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