Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
