Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
