do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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