Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
