whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
