Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
