Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
