Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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