Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
