and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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