just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need to align my fucking chakras
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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