so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
