the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
