At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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