thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
