I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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