You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
