he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
