It's Friday. Sex?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
