It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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