I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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