I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
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Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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