I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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