Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
literally had 100 drinks last night.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
