I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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