I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its not stalking. its research.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
