this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
