So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
