i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
